Happiness Lost, Happiness Found
by annona20
Summary: Kaoru appears in Kyoto to gather her dead father's possession as the Bakumatsu goes on. Due to horrible circumstances she ends up meeting Kenshin. But Kenshin has secrets of his own.
1. Chapter 1

I don't own Rurouni Kenshin.

Happiness Lost, Happiness Found

The streets of Kyoto were constantly covered in blood. The bodies may have been cleaned up but the stains from the blood seemed to be soaked into the ground.

Kaoru Kamiya walked through the streets, glancing around cautiously. It was a dangerous time after all. It was the Bakumatsu. Everybody was fighting.

Which was why Kaoru was there. She'd received word that her father, who had gone to Kyoto to fight with the Ishin Shishi, had been killed in battle.

As soon as the letter informing her arrived she'd gone to Kyoto without any second thought.

Luckily she knew the owners of the Shirobeko through her friends of the sister restaurant Akabeko in Edo. She was working and staying there until she could gather her father's belongings if possible.

She picked up her pace. Despite it being broad daylight killings could still happen. Kaoru cursed herself for forgetting her bokken at the Shirobeko. But considering that she'd only had to go out for some supplies she didn't think she'd need it.

Because of Kaoru's distraction she didn't spot the short, redheaded, young man with a scar on his cheek until it was too late.

With a crash they collided and the majority of Kaoru's shopping tumbled to the ground.

"Oh, great!" Kaoru shouted in frustration. She turned her ire to young man she bumped in to, "Why don't you watch where you're going!"

The young man looked startled but Kaoru paid him little mind as she bent down and collected the dropped items. Unfortunately, she didn't notice when he bent down as well to help her and so when she straightened up they bonked heads.

"OW!" Kaoru whined as she rubbed her head. She shot another glare at the young man who was also rubbing his head with a pained expression.

"You really are a klutz aren't you?" Kaoru snapped as she snatched the supplies out of his hands.

So angry and frustrated with being delayed she didn't notice the katana and wakazashi at the young man's side. Kaoru turned and stalked off.

OOO

Kenshin Himura stood in the middle of the street stunned. The young woman he'd bumped into had yelled at him, bonked heads with him, and then yelled at him again.

"She really wasn't paying attention." Kenshin mused to himself as he watched the blue ribbon the girl wore disappear into the crowd with its owner.

He gave his head another rub where they'd connected.

"Something wrong, Himura?" a voice asked at his side.

Kenshin turned to see Iizuka approaching. Kenshin shot a last look in the direction the strange, ill-tempered girl had gone and shook his head.

"Good," Iizuka said, "because we have an important assignment tonight."

Kenshin glanced over at Iizuka, "Together? That's odd."

"I'm just the messenger." Iizuka shrugged, "We'll discuss the specifics later."

Kenshin nodded and vanished into the crowd.

OOO

Kaoru slid open the door to the Shirobeko and entered the restaurant.

"I'm back!" she called out.

"Kaoru," Sae, the daughter of the owner of the restaurant, greeted her, "did you have any problems?"

"Nope." Kaoru stated as she handed some of the supplies to Sae, "Just some idiot who ran into me."

Sae observed Kaoru as they took the supplies to the kitchen in the back. Once everything was put away Kaoru grabbed her apron and put it on.

"Anything happen while I was gone?" Kaoru asked as she tied her apron.

"Kaoru," Sae started worriedly, "word arrived while you were gone. Your father's resting place was found."

Kaoru paused then, "Where?"

"A small temple just outside of town." Sae answered with the worried look still on her face.

Kaoru nodded and turned to help a customer that had just come in. Once Kaoru finished helping the customer Sae approached her again.

"Kaoru, are you alright?"

Kaoru stopped and faced Sae. She was smiling but there were tears in her eyes.

"I'm sorry." Kaoru whispered as she brushed at her eyes, "I just…well I didn't think Father's death was real. Some small part of me thought…hoped that he was still alive. But, well, hearing this news…it means any hope of him coming home won't happen."

Kaoru brushed at her eyes again, "Pretty stupid of me, don't you think?"

Sae placed a comforting hand on Kaoru's shoulder, "It's not stupid, it's normal. I'm really sorry, Kaoru."

Kaoru nodded and her smile became more real, "I'll go later today and see if any of Father's possessions are in the trust of the temple."

Sae gave a sad smile in return, "Will you be back before dark? You know what this city is like after dark."

"Don't worry, Sae." Kaoru replied, "I'll be back before dark."

OOO

_I'm so late! _Kaoru thought as she ran through the darkened streets of Kyoto. _And I forgot my bokken again! Sae is going to kill me!_

In Kaoru's hands she held her father's katana, which was wrapped up in cloth. She'd been so busy discussing her father and gathering his last possession that she'd lost track of time. It was now getting close to 10 o'clock and the streets were nearly pitch black. There wasn't even a moon out, only the twinkling stars offered light and they were soon going to offer no light at all. Clouds were rolling in and it looked like it might rain.

Kaoru darted past a still lit up bar, which she knew served sake and other alcohol. She didn't notice the two burly men leaning against the outside wall of the establishment. They followed her with their eyes before pushing themselves away from the building and began physically following her.

Kaoru glanced over her shoulder. She'd noticed it after she had passed the bar. Someone was following her! Kaoru clutched her father's katana tighter. Did they want to rob her? Or did they want something else?

Kaoru shivered but sped up her pace. Whoever was behind her increased their speed as well. By this time Kaoru had turned into a darkened alley. She hated doing it but it was the shortest way back to the Shirobeko. Despite what was going on Kaoru slowed down a bit. It was enough for her pursuers.

"Hey there, girly!" a drunken voice called out from behind her, "Slow down and come have a good time with us!"

Kaoru glanced over her shoulder. Two of them. Great. Kaoru turned forwards and continued walking. Now wasn't the time to shoot her mouth off, as she was prone to do. She needed to get to safety.

But she misjudged the men. The one who shouted after her darted past her and blocked her way. He smiled drunkenly and suggestively at her.

"Come on," he laughed, "Don't be so unfriendly! Come join us."

Kaoru turned around to discover the other man blocking her exit. The second man was as drunk as the first.

"Yeah," the second smirked, "Let's have some fun together!"

The second reached out towards Kaoru. Kaoru jerked away from him.

"You guys have obviously had too much to drink." Kaoru noted, "Please, leave me alone."

"Don't think so, girly." The first man licked his lips, "We're going to have some fun!"

Kaoru tried to distance herself from the men, but they were boxing her in. Kaoru's temper, which had been bubbling under the surface, erupted.

"Get away from me, you perverts!" Kaoru yelled as loud as she could.

The men paused. Scowls crossed their faces.

"That's it." The first one stated coldly, "Now you've hurt our feelings."

The second reached out for Kaoru for the second time. Kaoru reacted with the training her father had drilled into her. The man soon staggered back clutching his nose, which was bleeding heavily due to Kaoru's fist. He let out a yell of fury and swung his arm around hitting Kaoru on the left side of her head.

Kaoru hit the ground hard. Her father's katana had fallen from her grasp and clattered to the ground next to her. The cloth wrapping had come loose and the hilt was visible.

Kaoru groaned in pain. The whole world felt like it was spinning and her head felt like it was going to split in two because of the man's strike. She clutched at her head to try and ease the pain.

"Not so tough now, are you girly!" the first man shouted gleefully, "Now you'll pay dearly for your insults and for striking my friend here."

The second man nodded in agreement and moved forward, reaching for Kaoru.

_No! _Kaoru thought desperately. _No, stay away! _Kaoru's hands fell from her head and she turned away from the men. In her line of sight she saw her father's katana. Kaoru shot forward as fast as she could. She seized the hilt of the katana, drew it out and in the same movement swung it around in a wild arc.

There was a sickening, meaty, thunk as the katana connected. Blood sprayed out at Kaoru covering her. Kaoru opened her eyes, which she'd shut after swinging the katana. She felt her eyes widen in surprise and horror at what she'd done.

The man she'd slashed clutched his stomach and let out a gurgle. He reached out to her, his fingers stretching toward her face, before he lost strength and collapsed next to her.

Kaoru's hair came loose about her shoulders. She turned to look at the man who fell and saw her blue ribbon clutched in his hand.

Kaoru shook. _No. _She thought. _No I didn't mean to! I was swinging wildly! Just to get him to back off! To scare him! I didn't want to _kill _him!_

"You bitch!"

Kaoru jerked and looked over at the other man. He'd drawn his sword and was shaking with fury.

"You…BITCH!" He shouted, "You're going to pay for this!"

Kaoru staggered to her feet. Tears were coursing down her face, "Please." She whimpered, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean – "

The man launched himself at her, his sword drawing back to strike.

Kaoru reacted without thinking. Her father's training in swordsmanship came back, all in an instant. She darted forward and attacked as he did.

Intense pain went through her right side. Kaoru staggered then fell to her knees. _I guess this is it. _Kaoru thought dully. _He's going to kill me now._

"You bitch." The voice was weaker than she thought it would be.

Kaoru slowly looked over her shoulder. The man was also on his knees. Then he fell. Blood soaked the ground underneath him.

Kaoru shook and felt even more tears on her face. She struggled to her feet. She cried out and clutched her right side. He'd hit her. It wouldn't kill her immediately, but he'd hit her.

Kaoru turned and stumbled away. In her right hand she clutched her father's katana, now soaked with blood and with her left she clutched her right side.

She scarcely knew what she was doing. All she knew was that she had to get away. So, covered in blood, her own as well as the men's, and with tears on her face she walked down the alleyway and turned down another street. Because of her loss of blood and the blow to her head, Kaoru soon lost track of where she was.

_It doesn't matter._ Kaoru thought dully. _I deserve to die in these streets. I took a life with the sword style that Father taught me. The Kamiya Kasshin style, which is meant to protect life. I broke Father's rule. I don't deserve to live._

Kaoru glanced up at the dark, cloudy sky. The rain would come very soon.

Kaoru felt the strength leave her body. She collapsed on her injured side next to a dark building. She still clutched her father's katana.

Just before Kaoru lost consciousness she saw someone approach and squat next to her. The person or apparition placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. The man had red hair and a scar on his cheek. He seemed vaguely familiar. Like Kaoru had seen him before. For an instant he blurred and Kaoru saw her father.

"Oh, Father," Kaoru whispered with fresh tears in her eyes, "Can you forgive me?"

With that Kaoru lost consciousness and the rain came.

**Please review. If interest in the story is high then Kenshin will have more screen time in the next chapter.**


	2. Chapter 2

I don't own Rurouni Kenshin.

Happiness Lost, Happiness Found

Kenshin walked through the streets of Kyoto toward Okami's inn. While officially it was an inn, in reality it was the headquarters of the Ishin Shishi branch in this area. The branch that Kenshin was a part of.

At the time it was close to suppertime. Kenshin's stomach rumbled but he ignored it. As a hitokiri he had complete control of himself at all times and that included eating when there was time to spare and not when he was hungry.

Kenshin approached the entrance to Okami's. He reached out and slid the door open. Okami was there to greet him. Kenshin marveled at the fact that she seemed to know about everything that went on in her inn.

"Ah, hello, Himura." Okami smiled, "Staying long?"

Kenshin shook his head, "Where is Lord Katsura?"

"In the back by the pond. He's waiting for you." Okami pointed toward the backyard.

"Thank-you."

Kenshin turned and exited the way he came in. He could have walked through the inn but it seemed better to gather his thoughts while he walked around. He was still confused as to why he _and_ Iizuka had to go on this mission together. What was so special about this mission?

Kenshin scowled. Katsura better not be ordering him to do some diplomatic work. He was a killer not a politician. Kenshin expression cleared and he paused in his walk around the inn. He was so tired of that. He was tired of soaking his katana in the blood of other men. Tired of constantly washing his hands and feeling like they would never be clean.

Without realizing it Kenshin reached up and fingered the scar that ran along his cheek. The man who gave it to him… Kenshin yanked his mind away from the circumstances. Remembering and regretting didn't change that fact that he'd killed that man. In truth the man who gave him this scar was the only man Kenshin had unintentionally killed.

Kenshin dropped his hand from his cheek and continued his walk to the backyard of the inn.

Standing by the pond, as Okami said he would be, was Kogoro Katsura, the leader of this branch of the Ishin Shishi, and Iizuka. Katsura turned away from looking into the pond to greet Kenshin as he approached.

"Hello, Himura." Katsura said with a smile, "How have you been?"

"Well enough." Kenshin replied, "What is going on with this mission that you have planned for tonight?"

Katsura chuckled, "Always to the point with you, isn't it?"

Kenshin shrugged, "Why do you want Iizuka with me?"

Katsura's smile vanished, "Here's the basic story: two men who fought for us are needed for questioning."

Kenshin glanced over at Iizuka, wondering if he knew where this was going. Iizuka shrugged and raised his eyebrows indicating that he knew as much as Kenshin.

"You're both wondering what these men did." Katsura stated after reading their facial expressions, "Well, until two days ago we thought they were loyal to us."

"Traitors." Kenshin murmured, "Why not have me just…take care of them?"

"Normally, we would. But," Katsura paused, "we need to be sure of a few things. We need you to question them about their contacts, how much they told, and if there are any more traitors amongst us."

Kenshin nodded, "I could do this myself."

Katsura's smile returned, "I have no doubt you could, but having them both alive at the same time could make your questioning easier and no matter how strong you are, I'd rather you have someone as backup."

"I understand."

"Alright. Make sure the two of you get ready. You'll leave in an hour." Katsura turned and headed back toward the inn, Iizuka following.

Kenshin glanced up at the darkening sky. The clouds rolling in looked threatening.

"It looks like it might rain." Kenshin stated blankly.

OOO

Kenshin and Iizuka jogged through the streets of Kyoto in the direction of a bar that the two suspects were said to frequent. If they were to be found anywhere it was there.

As they approached the bar Iizuka turned to Kenshin, "I'll go in and ask around to see if anyone's seen them. You can wait outside."

Kenshin nodded. He stopped outside the bar and crossing his arms waited for Iizuka. Iizuka entered the bar. He was only in there for a short time before he exited again.

"Are they in there?" Kenshin asked.

"No." Iizuka shook his head, "But the manager saw them leave. They headed in that direction."

Iizuka pointed down the street in the direction opposite to the direction they'd come from. Kenshin and Iizuka wasted no time in jogging in the direction they'd been pointed, checking side streets as they did.

It was in one of these side streets that Kenshin spotted them.

"Over there." Kenshin without waiting for Iizuka jogged down the street till he came upon the bodies.

"What the hell?" Iizuka whispered, "What happened? Did their contacts within the enemy think they had nothing left to offer?"

Kenshin didn't answer. He was too busy examining the scene of death. The two men were sprawled out next to each other. They were about three feet apart. Next to one of the men was a cloth and protruding from the cloth was a sheath. Both men were on their stomachs.

Kenshin bent down and rolled one of them over. The man had a slash across his chest. It was made by someone highly skilled in the art of swordsmanship. Kenshin stepped over the man and crouching down turned the other man over.

This man was slashed across the stomach. This wound was different. While it was most likely made by the same person as the other man this wound was…chaotic, uncontrolled. _Frightened._ Kenshin thought to himself. _Whoever made this wound was afraid._

Something drew his attention from the man he was examining to his hand. There was something clenched in his hand. Kenshin leaned forward and prised open the dead man's hand. He withdrew what had been held there.

Kenshin held the object up so he could see better. It was a blue ribbon. Kenshin frowned in confusion. What was a blue ribbon doing here?

"What's that doing here?" Iizuka echoed his thoughts from over Kenshin's shoulder.

"I don't know." Kenshin murmured.

The ribbon was surprisingly clean of blood, a few spots was all. Kenshin tucked it away. Then glanced up. Something caught his eye. He got up and walked over to look closer.

Blood. A spot of blood. Looking back Kenshin knew that this blood had nothing to do with the blood of the men. He quickly checked where the two dead men's swords were. The man with the stomach wound still had his sword in his sheath at his hip. But the other man's sword was an inch away from his outstretched hand. And the tip was coated with blood. It could not be his friend's blood or his own. He'd wounded whoever killed them.

Kenshin turned to examine the spot of blood and noticed more blood spots leading away. A trail of blood.

"Find something, Himura?" Iizuka asked.

Kenshin didn't answer; he took off at a run following the blood.

"Hey, wait!" Iizuka called from behind him. Kenshin ignored him.

Kenshin followed the trail of blood. He knew the person who was leaving the trail was badly injured. The trail moved in several different directions like the person was staggering. Kenshin turned one corner, than another.

Then finally he spotted her. She was collapsed against a darkened building. As Kenshin approached he feared she was dead but he noticed the fall and rise of her chest. He noticed a wound to her left side. Her right hand was holding a katana. The katana was soaked with blood. The blood of the men she'd killed. Her hair was loose around her shoulders. The blue ribbon Kenshin found must have been a hair ribbon. The man must have pulled it loose as he collapsed.

Kenshin stepped closer and squatted next to her. To his surprise she was still conscious. Her blue eyes, which Kenshin suspected would sparkle when she was fully conscious, were glazed over in pain. But it wasn't just physical pain there was emotional pain there too.

Kenshin was surprised to find that he recognized her. It was the girl he ran into earlier today. He reached out and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. The girl smiled at him sadly and by looking into her eyes, which were beginning to shed tears, Kenshin knew she wasn't really seeing him.

"Oh, Father," she whispered, confirming Kenshin's suspicions, "Can you forgive me?"

She lost consciousness then. It began to rain. Kenshin glanced around. There was nobody around and he couldn't leave her here. She was still alive and he needed to get her medical attention. Kenshin got to his knees and gathered her up into his arms. He stood. She was very light. Something bumped his leg. He realized that she still held the sword even though she was unconscious.

"Let's get you somewhere safe." Kenshin whispered comfortingly to her.

Kenshin turned and with a swish of his long red hair he vanished into the night.

OOO

"I have no idea where he went." Iizuka explained to Katsura, "He spotted something then took off. I thought it would be a good idea to get the mess cleaned up."

Katsura nodded, "That was probably best. Was there any evidence on who did it?"

Iizuka held up the sheath and the cloth wrapping, "This was all there was."

Katsura reached forward and took the sheath and cloth. He examined them. Who would walk around carrying a katana like this? It was foolish. No man – Katsura stopped his thoughts. _No man. A woman!_ But why would a woman be walking around Kyoto with a katana wrapped in cloth?

Before Katsura could go farther in his hypothesis there was a commotion from the entrance of the inn. Okami was shouting.

Katsura and Iizuka leapt to their feet and ran in the direction of the noise. They burst into a shocking scene.

Kenshin was cradling a young woman who was wounded and held a katana in her hand. Okami was shouting at Kenshin to bring the woman into a separate room so that a doctor could look at her.

Katsura knew this wasn't the time to ask questions so he waited until Kenshin had disappeared into the room Okami gestured at and then reappeared.

"Himura," Katsura took a step forward, "what's going on?"

Kenshin shook his head, "I found her a few blocks away from – "

Kenshin paused and looked around. Katsura got his meaning. He gestured to Kenshin and Iizuka to follow him. They went into Katsura's room upstairs. Once the door was shut behind them Katsura gestured for Kenshin to continue his story.

"I found her a few blocks away from the scene." Kenshin began again, "I assume Iizuka told you everything?"

"Yes." Katsura sighed, "I had a feeling that it was a woman who'd killed those men."

"What are we going to do with her?" Iizuka asked, "We can't let her leave."

"We can't kill her." Kenshin cut in quickly.

Iizuka and Katsura glanced at Kenshin in surprise. The young man rarely seemed to care about human life so it was surprising but welcoming to see that he did care.

"What I mean is," Kenshin said quickly in response to their looks, "she almost did us a favor didn't she? Those men were traitors to begin with."

"True." Katsura muttered, "But I did want them questioned."

"Whose to say that they would have told us anything?" Iizuka cut in, "If they were loyal they would have died rather than tell us anything."

Kenshin shot Iizuka a quick look of gratitude that only Katsura caught.

"Also true," Katsura nodded, "but I will still need to talk to her when she wakes up. _If_ she wakes up."

"The wound wasn't too serious." Kenshin stated, "I managed to stop the bleeding a bit on the way here."

"Alright." Katsura gestured for the two men to leave, "For the time being we will let her recover. Once she's strong enough to talk, I will question her about what happened tonight. Until then, we'll wait and see."

OOO

Kaoru felt like she was floating. Was she dead? It seemed to make sense. The death of the two men, was it a dream? Kaoru felt the darkness lift and she felt like she was bathed in light.

A familiar figure was walking in front of her. Kaoru stretched out her hand as she ran after him. He was getting farther and farther away.

"Wait!" Kaoru called, "Please, wait!"

The figure turned. Kaoru withdrew her hand in shock and surprise. It was the kind face of her father. He smiled kindly at her.

"Hello, Kaoru." He greeted.

"Papa." Kaoru whispered, "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault." He reached out and rested his hand on her head like he used to when she was small.

"I killed." Kaoru cried, tears running down her face, "I killed using Kamiya Kasshin style. The style to protect life. I killed with it. You must be so angry with me."

Her father smiled at her but it was a sad smile.

"I will be happy if you live, Kaoru."

"Am I dead now?" Kaoru asked looking around.

"No, not yet."

"I want to be with you, Papa." Kaoru whispered.

"You can choose to come with me, sweetheart." Her father whispered, "But you feel such guilt for what you've done. If you must make it up to me then live. I want you to live. It is not your time to join me and your mother."

"I love you, Papa." Kaoru whispered back as her father withdrew his hand.

"I love you too, Kaoru." Was all she heard as she felt herself regaining consciousness.

**Please review. Thanks to everyone who reviewed, favourited, or alerted this story. More please.**


	3. Chapter 3

I don't own Rurouni Kenshin.

Happiness Lost, Happiness Found

Kaoru awoke to a wooden ceiling above her. _It was all a dream. _Kaoru thought. She smiled weakly. All a dream. She started to sit up when a flash of pain laced through her right side. She bent over and clutched her side.

_It wasn't a dream. _Kaoru thought sadly. _I really did kill – _Her mind drew back sharply at the thought. Kaoru felt fresh tears in her eyes. _Oh, Papa. I'm so very sorry. _

"Ah, you're awake." A voice shocked her out of her melancholy.

Kaoru turned to see an elderly woman enter the room. The woman carried a tray with soup and tea. She approached Kaoru and set the tray in front of her.

"Best to eat while it's hot." She said practically.

Kaoru nodded and spooned some of the soup into her mouth. It was really good! Kaoru ate the soup and drank the tea heartily.

"Thank-you, ma'am." Kaoru said as she set her teacup down, "May I ask you a question?"

The old woman took the tray, "Of course, dear. What is it?"

"Where am I? And who are you?"

The woman chuckled, "That's two questions. But I'll answer both of them. This is an inn. I won't bother you with the name but essentially it is the headquarters of a branch of the Ishin Shishi. As for me, I would rather not give you my real name. But you can call me Okami, everyone does."

"The Ishin Shishi?" Kaoru whispered, "How did I get here?"

"One of the men, Himura, found you and brought you here." Okami answered, "Now in return for answering your questions may I ask you one in turn?"

Kaoru jerked back in surprise, "I'm sorry. My father often commented on my ability to ask more questions than I answer."

Okami smiled, "What is your name, dear?"

"Oh, it's Kaoru, Kaoru Kamiya." Kaoru replied politely as she inclined her head.

Because of the slight bow of her head Kaoru didn't notice Okami give a start of surprise at hearing her name. By the time Kaoru raised her eyes to meet Okami's the old woman had a neutral look on her face.

"How long have I been here?" Kaoru asked.

"Oh, about two days." Okami replied.

Kaoru tried to get out of bed yet again, "What! Sae will be so worried, I need to get back!"

Okami set the tray down by the door and shoved Kaoru back onto the futon.

"Unfortunately, you can't leave."

Kaoru froze, "What? Why?"

"You know the location of a branch of the Ishin Shishi and you also killed two men who were members of that branch." Okami's face softened at the look of horror and sadness that crossed Kaoru's face, "I'm really sorry, dear."

With those words Okami picked up the tray once again and exited the room.

OOO

Katsura was sitting in his room, going over reports when Okami called into the room to seek an audience.

"Of course, come in, Okami," Katsura said with a smile, "You own this inn so you should feel free to come and go as you please."

Okami smiled back as she slid the door shut behind her, "Everyone deserves their privacy, Lord Katsura."

"What can I do for you?" Katsura gestured for Okami to sit across from him. Okami took the offered seat.

"The girl who killed those traitors to the Ishin Shishi has regained consciousness."

"Ah," Katsura gathered the reports and set them to the side, "And? What did you discover about her?"

"Her name." Okami replied, "But that should be enough. Her name is Kaoru Kamiya."

Katsura drew in a deep breath despite himself, "And you think she's related to – "

"God only plays these types of tricks." Okami said with a wry smile, "It would be her. The daughter of the only man who Himura considered a friend. The man who was killed recently."

Katsura nodded in agreement, "How has Himura reacted to this news? You haven't told him yet have you?"

"No." Okami shrugged, "I thought it best to tell you first. But…He's visited her for the past two days. He's inquired after her, to see if she's alright."

Katsura raised a hand to his chin. He began to ponder the situation.

"I know that look." Okami cut into his thoughts, "You're going to use Kaoru to help Himura."

Katsura lowered his hand and smiled, "You know me too well, Okami. It may be the best option. Himura was very close to Kureno Kamiya. And I know for a fact that Kureno's last words to Himura were to charge him with protecting his daughter."

Okami scowled, "He might not have been so literal. Besides how will Kaoru react when she discovers their relationship? How about how she'll react when she discovers the circumstances of her father's death?"

Katsura sighed, "This may be the only chance."

"Only chance for what?"

"For saving Himura's soul."

OOO

Kenshin fiddled with the strap on his sheath. He was standing outside the door to the room where the girl he'd brought in a few days ago was staying.

According to Okami the girl had barely remained conscious to get any information about who she was and what she was doing in Kyoto. He glanced back and forth along the hallway. Where was Okami?

"Himura!" Okami's voice startled Kenshin so badly that his hand caught on the strap he was fiddling with and got caught. He spent two obvious minutes pulling it free.

"Well well, did I scare the feared Himura the Battousai?" Okami asked not even bothering to hide the smile spreading across her face.

Kenshin scowled at her, then noticed the man behind her, "Lord Katsura, I didn't see you. Did you need me for something?"

"No," Katsura said with a shake of his head, "I came to question the young lady in the room behind you."

Kenshin shot a look at Okami, "I wasn't aware that she'd regained consciousness."

"She just did this morning." Okami stated, unfazed by the daggers Kenshin was shooting her way, "I went to Lord Katsura first, to let him know." A gleam entered Okami's eyes, "But my dear Himura, if you wanted to know so badly you could have let me know and I would have told you straight away."

Kenshin growled under his breath and clenched his fists. But before he had a chance to respond to Okami she'd turned and addressed Katsura again.

"It'd be best if I go in first and prepare her to meet you."

Katsura nodded and Okami slid open the door to the room and shut it behind her.

OOO

In the time since Okami had left Kaoru had examined the room where she'd apparently stayed for the past two days. It was obviously Okami's room.

In one corner there was a desk with ledgers and receipts that had to do with the inn. In the opposite corner was another futon, which was where Okami must have slept.

Then something caught Kaoru's eye and heart. Her father's katana was resting against the wall in front of her futon. Kaoru crawled forward as her eagerness to examine everything had exhausted her.

She picked up her father's katana. It was sheathed now but her heart quailed at having to draw it to see the blood. Kaoru bit her lip. Then she drew the katana out sharply.

Kaoru was shocked to see that the katana was clean of any blood. Who had cleaned it? And why? As she examined the blade the door slid open.

"Now dear, you should really stay in bed for another day at least." Okami's voice surprised Kaoru.

Kaoru turned and blurted out, "Did you clean my father's katana?"

Okami approached Kaoru, took her left arm and guided her back to the futon. Kaoru still held her father's katana and sheath. Once Kaoru was back under the covers Okami gently took the katana and sheath from her.

"It wasn't me. It was the man who found you. He was the one who cleaned the katana." Okami explained.

Okami sheathed the katana once more as she spoke. She got up and set it down where it had been previously.

"Now, someone wishes to speak to you." Okami said once she'd settled down next to Kaoru again.

"Who?"

"His name is Lord Katsura and he is the leader of this branch of the Ishin Shishi."

Kaoru felt her heart drop into her stomach. She bowed her head.

"He wants to question me about why I killed those men." Kaoru stated matter a factly, "He's going to decide on my punishment."

Okami placed a gentle hand on Kaoru's shoulder, "Don't jump to conclusions, Kaoru. We'll see for certain what he wants when he questions you."

With that Okami stood and crossed to the door that led to the hall. She slid the door open and said to someone outside, "She can see you now."

"Thank-you, Okami."

Kaoru raised her head to look at her visitor. The man who entered the room had a kind face and gentle eyes. He smiled kindly at her when he met her eyes.

"Greetings, Miss Kamiya." Katsura greeted her politely and kindly, "It is very nice to meet you."

Katsura crossed the room and sat down next to Kaoru. He turned to Okami who stood at the entrance, "Okami, can you give us a couple minutes alone?"

Okami frowned a bit but nodded. She turned to Kaoru and comfortingly said, "I'll be right outside if you need me, Kaoru."

Kaoru nodded in thanks. Okami slid the door shut behind her and Kaoru and Katsura were left alone. Kaoru stared at her folded hands in her lap.

"There is nothing to fear, Miss Kamiya." The kind voice shocked Kaoru into action.

"I am really sorry, Lord Katsura!" Kaoru burst out, "I know I am guilty of killing those men, who were no doubt loyal soldiers to your cause. I am willing to accept whatever punishment you've decided on."

Katsura laughed, "Those men may have worked for the Ishin Shishi but they were by no means loyal."

Kaoru stared at Katsura in surprise, "What do you mean?"

"They were traitors." Katsura's smile was gone replaced by a serious look, "That is why Himura found you. He was tracking them to…take care of them."

Kaoru flinched at the implication, "It doesn't matter. I still killed using my father's sword style. It is a style that protects life."

Katsura smiled sadly. At those words any doubts about Kaoru's identity vanished. She truly was Kureno Kamiya's daughter.

"If you must have a punishment let the punishment be that you stay here until the Bakumatsu is over. Whenever that may be."

Kaoru opened her mouth to argue but Katsura raised a hand to stop her speech, "No doubt those men were following you for less than honourable reasons. Am I wrong?"

Kaoru shut her mouth and shook her head.

"Then considering the circumstances and the situation the punishment I've given sounds fair, doesn't it?" Katsura asked.

Kaoru bit her lip, then, "Can I send a letter to the Shirobeko? That was where I was staying. And they must be worried sick about me."

"Of course." Katsura nodded, "But you will understand that it must be a letter that won't give anything about us away, alright?"

Kaoru nodded back, "I understand."

Katsura stood, inclined his head and walked to the door and exited. As the door slid shut behind him Kaoru lay down on her left side. Everything that had happened was piling on top of her. Her father's death which she hadn't had time to accept and process was still a raw wound. The killing of the two men, who despite their intentions were still dead at her hands. And now she was essentially a prisoner.

Kaoru felt the tears on her cheeks and gave in to her weeping.

OOO

Kenshin was waiting with Okami when Katsura exited the room. Katsura sighed and passed a weary hand over his face.

"Well?" Kenshin questioned, "Did you discover that girl's identity?"

Katsura met Kenshin's unwavering stare, "Her name is Kaoru Kamiya."

Kenshin jerked back in surprise at hearing the name. His hands twitched slightly so he crossed his arms to hide it.

"She is the daughter of Kureno Kamiya." Katsura continued, "The reason she is in Kyoto is obvious."

"Will she be leaving soon?" Kenshin tried to keep the shaking out of his voice; "Kyoto is no place for someone like her."

"Really?" Katsura asked, a sad smile on his face, "I wasn't aware that you'd spent that much time with her."

Kenshin scowled, "I spent enough time with her father to know what she's like."

Katsura shook his head, "It doesn't matter. Miss Kamiya has agreed to stay here until the Bakumatsu is over."

"That's not fair, Lord Katsura!" Kenshin burst out despite himself, "Who knows when this war will be over? She should go home to Edo where it's safe!"

"It seems to me, Himura, that you don't want her around." Katsura stated, "Will it open up old wounds?"

Kenshin opened his mouth then closed it. With a huff he spun around and stalked away. Once he was gone Okami glared at Katsura.

"What good will it do if Himura refuses to spend any time with her?"

"If what Kureno said about his daughter was true, she is far too stubborn to let Himura's barrier stop her." Katsura replied.

"And what of Kaoru? I know you're trying to save Himura's soul but what about the effect this will have on her? I really hope you aren't doing more harm than good here, Lord Katsura."

A look of doubt and worry crossed Katsura's face, "I hope so too. But hopefully they can heal each other's wounds."

**Please review. I don't really know what Kaoru's dad's name was so I just made one up and will be sticking with it.**


	4. Chapter 4

I don't own Rurouni Kenshin.

Happiness Lost, Happiness Found

Time went by. Kaoru slowly but steadily recovered from her physical wounds but her emotional wounds were another matter. They were still as deep and painful as when she first got them.

After two weeks of strict bed rest Kaoru was finally walking around and also doing work for Okami. Though the work of the inn full of Ishin Shishi kept her busy, Kaoru was still restless.

It was the type of restlessness that only prisoners feel. Because Kaoru wasn't allowed to leave the inn she desperately wanted to. If she were there voluntarily she probably wouldn't want to leave. Or maybe she would. After collecting her father's sword what point was there in her staying in Kyoto?

"Kaoru." Okami's voice interrupted her thoughts, "Would you take these trays out to the men? They're getting hungry."

Kaoru glanced at the trays Okami had stacked up. She held out her arms to accept them, "Of course, Okami. I just wish I could do more. Like cooking."

As Kaoru held the trays readying to go to the eating area to serve the men Okami shot her a look, "Now, Kaoru. You were the one who admitted that your cooking is terrible."

Kaoru smiled sheepishly, "I guess I did, didn't I?"

With those words Kaoru exited the kitchen and walked down the hall to the eating area where the majority of the men were gathered. She set the trays down and opened the door.

"So this is the new girl?" Multiple men burst out of the doorway to greet her, "Wow, she's a pretty one!"

"Um…" Kaoru stuttered, "Excuse me, I'm here to serve you dinner."

The men leapt aside to allow her entry. Kaoru gathered up the trays and entered the room. She set down the trays and the men gathered around to get their meals.

Kaoru's attention was caught by one young man sitting alone in the corner. He had long red hair tied in a high ponytail and he sat with his head slightly bowed while his right hand held his katana.

Kaoru recognized him. He was the young man who'd found her out in the street _that_ night. Despite her wounds and her semi-consciousness she remembered him.

_So that's Himura. _Kaoru thought to herself. _Himura the Battousai, or so Okami says. He's a hitokiri. _As if he'd sensed her gaze Himura raised his head and met her eyes.

Kaoru scarcely paid attention to the chattering men around her. She was too busy staring into the man's eyes. They were golden in colour. It was a colour that promised death. Kaoru shuttered despite herself and dropped her gaze.

She was glad to finish serving the men and to return to the kitchen.

OOO

"Okami?" Kaoru ventured to the owner of the inn.

Okami glanced up and nodded to encourage Kaoru to continue.

Kaoru took a deep breath, "Where is Himura's room?"

Okami started to frown and opened her mouth but Kaoru cut her off before she even had a chance to speak, "I just want to thank him for saving me the night he brought me here."

Okami seemed to hesitate. She stared down at the mending of a shirt that she was doing for one of the soldiers staying at the inn.

"You know what Himura does for Lord Katsura, right?"

Kaoru bit her lip and nodded, "He's a hitokiri. He kills people."

Okami raised her head and gave Kaoru a piercing look, "To get involved with someone like that is dangerous. Why do you think Himura is such a loner?"

Kaoru shook her head, "I don't want to get involved. I just want to thank him."

Okami sighed, "His room is the first door on the left upstairs."

Kaoru set aside her own mending and got up.

"You're going now?" Okami asked with surprise.

"Better now than later."

Kaoru turned and exited the room.

OOO

Kenshin sat in his room reflecting, grumpily, on the situation with Kureno Kamiya's daughter staying in the inn. He drew out Kaoru Kamiya's blue hair ribbon and stared at it.

His stare turned into a scowl. Why had he kept this ribbon? He'd told himself it was because he hadn't had time to give it back to Kaoru. But that wasn't true. He could have given it to Okami and been done with it. Why had he kept it?

"Excuse me?" a familiar voice sounded outside his room, "Mr Himura? Are you in there?"

Kenshin stuffed the ribbon away out of sight then answered, "Yes. Who is it?"

The door slid open and Kaoru stood in the doorway. She paused and glanced around his room quickly.

"Your room's a mess."

Out of all the things to come out of her mouth that was last thing Kenshin expected.

"What?" Kenshin glanced around the room. His room was extremely clean in comparison to some of the other men's rooms.

"I said that your room is a mess." Kaoru shut the door behind her, "I'll come back later and clean it."

Kenshin frowned. She was so much like her father. Kureno would have often told Kenshin exactly what he thought despite the young man's dangerous reputation.

"Did you come here to examine my room?" Kenshin asked waspishly.

Kaoru knelt down next to where he was sitting. She frowned back at him.

"No, I came to thank you, you idiot!"

Kenshin stared at her, "Thank me? For what?"

"For what happened a couple weeks ago." Kaoru explained, "For saving me."

Kenshin shrugged, "It was no big deal."

Kaoru glared at him. She stood.

"Well, I came to thank you and I have, so that's it." She turned and walked toward the doorway.

"Wait!" the word rose unbidden from Kenshin's throat.

Kenshin stood up and pulled out the blue ribbon. He held it out toward Kaoru who'd turned to face him at his cry to stop. She stared at the ribbon. Kaoru pulled it from Kenshin's hand like she was afraid it would leap up and bite her.

"My hair ribbon." She murmured, "I thought I lost it that night."

Kenshin shrugged, "You did. I found it – " He hesitated at the pained look that crossed her face, "I found it. I didn't have an opportunity to give it back to you earlier."

Kaoru, speechless, reached up and pulled a plain string she'd been using to hold her hair back loose. Her hair tumbled free. Immediately Kaoru gathered it up again and tied it with her blue ribbon. She fingered the corner of the ribbon with a sad look on her face. Then she dropped her hand and met Kenshin's stare.

"Thank-you. This was a gift from my father before he left Edo for Kyoto. It is extremely important to me."

Kenshin nodded. Kaoru turned to open the door then paused and turned back, "What's your name?"

Kenshin stared at her in confusion, "My name? It's Himura the Battousai."

"That's your assassin name." Kaoru shot back, "What's your real name?"

"I don't think – "

"Who can I tell?" Kaoru cut off his reply, "I can't go anywhere. Everyone here belongs to the Ishin Shishi. What damage can be done if I know your name?"

Kenshin looked away. He couldn't meet her direct gaze. Her blue eyes were so hard to lie to. And really she had a point. Why couldn't he tell her his name? She wasn't asking for his whole life story after all, just his name. The last time he'd told someone about himself that person had ended up dead. Maybe that was why he was so closed off. Because anyone who got close could end up dead.

Apparently she took his hesitation as refusal because she turned back to the door with a huff.

"Kenshin."

Kenshin was surprised at his own daring. He'd had every intention of not telling her but some part of him had operated without his mind's consent.

"My name is Kenshin Himura." The rebellious part of him continued.

Kaoru turned to face him again. She smiled then stuck out her hand, "It's nice to meet you, Kenshin."

Kenshin, shocked, reached out and clasped her hand in return. Kaoru's smile grew and she gave his hand a shake. With a little laugh Kaoru turned and exited the room before Kenshin had any time to say anything else.

"What just happened?" Kenshin muttered out loud.

OOO

Kaoru finished drying the last dish and put it away. The girl next to her glanced over and smiled.

"All done, Kaoru?"

Kaoru smiled in return, "Yes, Kanna. And you?"

Kanna shrugged her shoulders, "I should focus more. I've been getting distracted and because of that my chores are far from done."

"Do you need some help?" Kaoru asked.

"No, it's fine. Besides you've hardly had any spare time. You're constantly working, you deserve a break."

With that Kanna shooed Kaoru out of the kitchen. Kaoru glanced in both directions down the hallway. In truth she'd been keeping busy on purpose. She couldn't share with anyone – Kanna included – that when left alone with her thoughts they would constantly drift, without fail, to the night she'd arrived at the inn.

Kaoru made a decision and turned left and walked down the hallway to the backyard of the inn. To her surprise none of the men were there.

_They must be in a meeting. _Kaoru thought as she crossed the yard to a dark, shadowed, corner. Once Kaoru entered the darkened enclosure she sat down and closed her eyes. She allowed her mind to drift.

Flashes of the night she murdered the two men flickered in her mind's eye rapidly. Kaoru gasped and jerked to her feet. _I can't even meditate without those men's deaths coming to me. _Kaoru closed her eyes. _I can't even sleep. _It was true. Ever since the night she'd killed those men Kaoru had had only bloody dreams filled with death.

"Miss Kaoru?"

The voice startled Kaoru out of her morbid thoughts. Her eyes shot open and she looked over to see Kenshin standing at the entrance to her enclosure.

"Kenshin!" Kaoru plastered a false smile on her face, "What are you doing here?"

Kenshin cocked his head to the side in confusion, "This is where I come to think. It's the most silent part of the inn."

"I guess we think alike." Kaoru laughed. Even to her ears it sounded fake.

"Are you alright?"

"Fine. Never been better." Kaoru answered quickly, "I should get back. Okami probably needs my help with something."

Kaoru walked swiftly past the young swordsman. She was stopped in her tracks when Kenshin's hand shot out and grabbed her elbow.

"You shouldn't blame yourself."

Kaoru bowed her head, "What do you mean?"

"You blame yourself for killing those men."

Kaoru turned to face him with the tears in her eyes but she was too stubborn to allow them to fall.

"Of course I blame myself! I should! Those men; they might have had families, loved ones. Someone somewhere is sad that they're gone! And it's my fault! I not only took their lives I took the happiness away from the people who cared about them!"

Kenshin released Kaoru's arm in surprise.

"They were traitors to our cause."

"That doesn't matter!" Kaoru shot back, "They still mattered to someone!" Kaoru paused in her tirade to study Kenshin. "Kenshin," she whispered now in a voice filled with sadness, "don't you ever think about the men that you've killed? And if not about them, then about the people who loved them?"

Kenshin stared at her. His eyes, which were no longer golden but a dark purple colour, were widened in surprise. Then he sighed and closed his eyes.

"Only one." He whispered and as he did so he reached up and fingered the scar running down his cheek, "The man who gave me this scar shouldn't have died. I think about him everyday. I think about how much pain I've caused his loved ones."

Kaoru face softened, "You should think about all the men you've killed with a similar regard."

Kaoru turned and walked back to the inn, leaving Kenshin alone with his confused thoughts.

OOO

It was a few days later and Okami called Kaoru to her.

"Kaoru, I need you to do some shopping."

Kaoru opened her mouth in surprise.

"Me? But I'm not permitted to leave the inn."

"I know but you're the only one available. All the other girls are busy with chores that need to be done. And you won't go alone."

"Will Lord Katsura allow it?"

"I've already talked to him. He said it's alright as long as an escort goes with you."

Okami handed Kaoru the money and list to purchase the supplies.

"Who's coming with me?" Kaoru asked wearily.

She had reason to worry. After all the majority of the men at the inn were lecherous to the highest degree. If Kaoru were forced to go with some stupid pervert she'd take twice as long to get her shopping done. She voiced this opinion to Okami.

"I know, Kaoru." Okami smiled, "That's why I asked Himura to escort you."

"Kenshin! But – "

"There is no other option, Kaoru. Besides I know you want to get out of the inn. This is your only opportunity to do so."

Kaoru sighed. This was going to be extremely awkward, after all, the last time she and Kenshin spoke was in the backyard when Kaoru had reprimanded him.

"Sure, Okami." Kaoru agreed half-heartedly, then finished on a sarcastic note, "This'll be fun."

**Thanks to all the reviewers. Please review.**


	5. Chapter 5

I don't own Rurouni Kenshin.

Happiness Lost, Happiness Found

_I was right. _Kaoru thought with a sigh. _This is completely awkward._ She and Kenshin had been walking through the streets of Kyoto at a slow walk for about half an hour. They'd managed to only get one of the items on Okami's list. Kaoru glanced over at Kenshin's face, which was hidden slightly under his hat.

"Something wrong?" Kenshin asked after he noticed her stare.

Kaoru looked away quickly, "No, nothing."

To distract from the steadily increasing tension Kaoru checked the list again. Then sighed again. She wasn't all that familiar with Kyoto. The only streets she knew while staying at the Shirobeko were the streets that she traveled on a regular basis. And they were few and far between.

Giving in Kaoru held out the list to Kenshin, "Do you know where we can get some of these items?"

Kenshin glanced over at her and took the list. He glanced over it then handed it back.

"I have a general idea."

With that Kenshin took the lead. Within an hour and a half they'd gotten all the supplies that Okami had listed.

"We're done!" Kaoru cheered, drawing several looks from passersby. She ducked her head in slight embarrassment.

There was a soft chuckle from right next to her. She looked over in surprise. It had definitely come from Kenshin. His eyes were twinkling at her with suppressed merriment. Kaoru felt her jaw drop.

"Now what's wrong?" Kenshin asked, the twinkle in his eyes still visible.

"I didn't think someone like you could laugh." Kaoru answered honestly.

Kenshin's eyes darkened somewhat. He raised a hand to his chin then shrugged.

"Sometimes I don't think I deserve to feel happiness." He muttered, "It's like you said the other day: I've taken so many people's happiness by…doing what I must."

Kaoru nodded in understanding, "I'm sorry. I might have been too hard on you."

"No, you were right." Kenshin dropped his hand and smiled at her. Unfortunately, the smile was quite sad.

Kaoru placed a hand on his upper arm in an attempt to comfort him. Kenshin laughed slightly.

"You know you're the only person to make me laugh in my life."

Kaoru frowned and dropped her hand, "Are you making fun of me? What about me is so funny?"

"Nothing, nothing!" Kenshin held up his hands in defense, "You're just not like regular girls."

Kaoru's frown dropped from her face, "Well, you can blame my father for that."

"What do you mean?"

"My mother died when I was really young." Kaoru explained, "My father raised me on his own. He really didn't know how to parent a young girl who had lost her mother especially since he was grieving himself. So, he taught me how to fight and he taught me swordsmanship. He really didn't give much thought on teaching me how girls should act."

Kenshin chuckled again. But before he could reply there was a commotion at the end of the street.

"Make way!" Someone shouted, "Make way for the Shinsengumi!"

"Shinsengumi?" Kaoru asked while turning in the direction of the shout.

Before she'd managed to turn all the way around Kenshin had seized her wrist and pulled her off to the side. They now stood at the back of the crowd with their backs against the wall of a building.

Through the pathway that was made multiple men strode proudly by. Kaoru scowled at them. Did they have to shove their way through like that? She turned to ask Kenshin why they didn't just head back to the inn but stopped when she noticed his intent gaze on the men. What really stopped the question in her throat were Kenshin's eyes, which were golden in colour once again.

"Kenshin?" Kaoru whispered. She turned to look at the men going by once again.

One of the men seemed to pause momentarily as he glanced over his shoulder at them. Kaoru shuddered. The man looked extremely dangerous. He looked like the type to kill you without a second thought. The man's eyes were so similar to Kenshin's when Kenshin wished to kill that Kaoru found herself wondering who would win in a fight between them.

As quickly as the man had glanced at them he continued on without breaking his stride. Kaoru found herself breathing a sigh of relief that the murderous man was gone. She felt Kenshin tighten his grip on her wrist.

"We should go." He whispered, "We need to get off the streets."

OOO

"Yes, I'm aware that the Shinsengumi are in Kyoto." Katsura said as he raised a teacup to his mouth and drank.

"Aren't you worried, Lord Katsura?" Kenshin asked leaning forward slightly, "You know what this could mean. Going by their reputation things may get more difficult for us."

"Hmmm." Katsura set down his cup, "You're right, Himura. And I am concerned. This isn't good news but jumping up and doing something reckless isn't going to get us anywhere either. We'll proceed as we always have."

Kenshin relaxed back, "I dislike waiting for an attack like this."

Katsura smiled, "I don't like it much either. But it's the only thing we can do right now. If it makes you feel better just proceed with more caution and make sure whenever you do an assignment that you're aware that someone could be waiting in the shadows to stab you in the back."

Kenshin nodded, "Do you have an assignment for me tonight?"

"Yes." Katsura held out the envelope, "Given the circumstances of today I'm reconsidering whether I should give you all your assignments personally. You are too valuable to lose."

"I am a common murderer." Kenshin said as he took the envelope, "I'm sure you could find someone else to fit the bill."

OOO

As Kenshin exited Katsura's room he heard a familiar shout of greeting, "Hey, Himura!"

Kenshin turned to greet Iizuka, "Hello. What do you want?"

Iizuka stopped and pouted at Kenshin, "Must you be so rude to me? Really now I just wanted to check that you accompanied Kaoru Kamiya to the market."

"I did, what does it matter?"

"From how you acted when she was first ordered to stay here I thought you'd want to stay as far away from her as possible."

Kenshin shot Iizuka a dark look, "Okami asked me to accompany her. She and Kaoru didn't want some lecherous men going after her."

With these words Kenshin made his way toward the kitchen. He would need an early meal before he went out on assignment.

"By 'lecherous men' do you include me in that category?" Iizuka asked as he caught up to Kenshin.

"The description fits you."

"Now, now. Maybe I've enjoyed the company of a good woman. You should consider doing the same. Perhaps with Miss Kaoru Kamiya." Iizuka said suggestively.

Kenshin stopped in his tracks. He shot Iizuka a glare, reached down and drew his sword out an inch in a clearly threatening gesture.

Iizuka took multiple steps backwards and held up his hands in surrender, "I was joking, Himura. Really, you should learn to take a joke!"

Kenshin shoved his sword back into the sheath, turned and continued his journey toward the kitchen.

"Man," Iizuka muttered to himself after Kenshin was out of earshot, "he takes things way too seriously."

OOO

After Kaoru and Kenshin returned to the inn Kenshin had left to go talk to Katsura about the Shinsengumi, leaving Kaoru to take the supplies to Okami alone.

"Himura, didn't even bother to help you with these?" Okami asked as she and Kanna helped take some of the supplies that Kaoru was almost collapsing under.

"He had to see Lord Katsura about some men we saw today." Kaoru explained as she helped put away the supplies.

"Which men?" Okami asked.

"They were called Shinsengumi."

Okami paused in her work. Kaoru glanced over, curious to see what had caused her to stop. The look on Okami's face chilled her to the bone.

"Okami? What is it? What's wrong?" Kaoru asked worriedly.

"If the Shinsengumi have come here it means trouble for everyone involved." Okami whispered but Kaoru and Kanna heard every word, "Things will change from now on. Something bad is going to happen."

"What do you mean?" Kanna asked, "What's worse than this war fought in the darkness of the streets right now?"

"Think of a war fought all day, every day. Light or dark the fight will continue. Something will happen, I can't tell what. But something will cause heavy damage on one side or the other. People will suffer."

Kaoru shuttered, "Who do you think will suffer?"

Okami glanced over at Kaoru, "Everyone."

The tense atmosphere was broken by footsteps approaching the kitchen. Soon Kenshin's red head poked into the doorway.

"Okami?" He asked, "I'll need an early supper tonight."

"Of course, Himura." Okami replied, "I'll send it up right away."

"Thank-you." Kenshin bowed his head and vanished.

Once he was gone, Kaoru turned to Okami, "Why does he need an early supper?"

Okami had turned away and was making something quickly for Kenshin.

"He has an assignment."

Kaoru felt horror deep inside her. An assignment. That meant that Kenshin was going to go out and – Kaoru couldn't finish the thought. She bowed her head and continued to put supplies away.

"Kaoru."

The voice interrupted Kaoru. She turned to see Okami holding a tray.

"Can you take this up to Himura?"

Kaoru bit her lip and nodded, "Yes."

As Kaoru took the stairs up to Kenshin's room she felt an odd nervousness. What should she say if anything? What do you say to someone who you knew was going out to kill someone? All too soon Kaoru came to Kenshin's door. She stared at the door for a long time before she took the plunge.

"Kenshin?" she called, "Are you in there? I have your meal."

"Come in." the soft voice called.

Kaoru took a deep breath and opened the door. Kenshin was seated in the corner looking out the window over the city of Kyoto. He looked worn and tired. Kaoru entered and shut the door behind her. She walked over and set down the tray.

"Here you are." She said with forced cheerfulness, "Okami went through a lot of trouble to make this so make sure you eat all of it."

Kaoru stood to leave when, "Will you wait a bit?"

Kaoru stared at Kenshin. His head was bowed. Kaoru sat down and waited.

"I'm sorry."

Kaoru jerked in surprise, "What for?"

"I left you to take all the supplies to Okami. It must have been really heavy for you."

Kaoru waved her hand dismissively, "Oh it was no problem. When father left for Kyoto I had to do all my own shopping without any help."

Kenshin raised his head and small smile appeared on his face, "You're so brave."

Kaoru stared at him in confusion. Kenshin sighed and bowed his head again. Kaoru took a deep breath. She debated with herself on whether she should ask the question that was really bothering her.

"What will you do?"

Kenshin raised his head and stared at her again, "You know what I am doing tonight."

"No. Not tonight." Kaoru hesitated once more but drew on her courage and plowed ahead, "After?"

"After what?" Kenshin asked confusedly.

"After everything." Kaoru explained, "What will you do after the Bakumatsu is over? Where will you go?"

"I don't know. If the Ishin Shishi doesn't win then I suppose I'll keep fighting to protect those who are weaker, those who are suffering. I'll fight until someone kills me."

"What if the Ishin Shishi does win?"

Kenshin gave it some long thought. What would he do? What could he do?

"I suppose I'll do the same thing."

"You seem intent on punishing yourself either way." Kaoru noted.

"I've killed many." Kenshin explained, "I've got to find some way of atoning. Perhaps if someone kills me then the dead and their loved ones will find some way to move past their pain."

Kenshin reached up and traced the scar on his cheek, "The man who gave me this didn't have to die. But he did and I killed him. I killed him while he protected me."

"How old are you?" Kaoru asked softly.

Kenshin glanced over in surprise, "Why do you want to know?"

"Just answer the question."

"I'm fifteen." Kenshin replied.

"You're so young to be so intent on dying."

Kenshin felt his eyes widen and he stared deep into Kaoru's eyes. She looked so sad. She was sad for him. How could anyone be so sad for someone like him?

"Well, I should go back and help Okami." Kaoru stood and turned to leave.

"Kaoru." Kenshin called, "How old are you?"

"Why should I tell you?" Kaoru asked, "You should know that you never ask a lady her age."

"Oh." Kenshin nodded, "Does that mean you're older than me?"

Kaoru stiffened in anger, "Shut up! I'm just a year older!"

"So, you're sixteen."

"Shut up!" Kaoru shouted again, "I didn't say that!"

With that she drew the door open fiercely and shut it with a slam. Kenshin chuckled to himself. Then stopped. How could she do that? A minute before he'd been extremely depressed then Kaoru had come in and in seconds had cheered him up. How can she do that? How does she have such an effect on him?

**Please review. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far.**


	6. Chapter 6

I don't own Rurouni Kenshin.

Happiness Lost, Happiness Found

Kenshin stood in the shadows waiting. He remained perfectly still. But while his body was still his mind was racing. He ran through all the scenarios of what could happen and what he would do to avoid them or handle them, whichever happened.

_Someone who thinks they're better than everyone else has already lost. _Hiko's voice echoed in his head. Kenshin smiled ruefully and shook his head. Despite them parting on bad terms he still recalled Hiko's lessons. His master would probably laugh and call him a 'useless disciple'.

Kenshin stiffened as he heard voices echoing down the street. He drew back even farther into the shadows and placed a ready hand on his hilt. As he did he could make out the shapes of the three men and their conversation.

"It is really too bad that you have to escort me like this." The centre man – Kenshin's target – stated cheerfully, "After all the likelihood of me being attacked is slim to none."

"All the same, my Lord, we can't be too careful." The man to the right of Kenshin's target said.

The man holding the lantern to the left of the target nodded. They kept getting closer. Kenshin mentally began to count. Any second now.

"With the Shinsengumi in Kyoto I don't think we need to take these precautions." The target stated grumpily, "I'm sure you both have better things you could be doing."

"Perhaps, my Lord, but our duty is to protect you." The lantern holding man argued.

The target laughed and waved a carefree hand, "Very well. I won't be accused of turning down loyal people or preventing them from doing their jobs."

The three men had passed Kenshin by now. _Five. _Kenshin counted down. He took several steps forward. The man holding the lantern would have to be first. He would drop the lantern putting the other two in darkness, which would surprise them for a second. _Four. _

That split-second of surprise was all Kenshin needed. He was running now. He was nearly upon them. _Three. _The men were still unaware that he was behind them. _Two. _The men paused. The one with the lantern turned, "Did you hear – " _One!_

Kenshin drew his sword out so quickly it was a blur and slashed the man from hip to opposite shoulder. The man gave a shuddering gasp and collapsed backwards. He was dead before he hit the ground. The paper lantern fell and burned quickly on the ground.

"What?" the target cried out. He spotted Kenshin quickly. He raised his hands in front of him vainly, "Please!"

Kenshin darted forward and slashed with his sword. To his surprise another blade blocked his progress. It was the other man. He'd reacted quicker than Kenshin thought he would. Kenshin leapt back as the man attempted to counter. The man stood in front of the target.

"Stay back, assassin!" the man held his sword in front of him expertly, "My Lord, are you alright?"

The target was shaking so badly that he couldn't answer. This distracted the guard and he turned slightly to talk to the target, "My Lord!"

Kenshin took the opportunity. He darted forward and slashed the guard across his stomach. The man gave a gurgle and fell forward. Kenshin didn't hesitate, in the same maneuver he stepped forward and cut the target almost in half. The man didn't suffer and fell back dead.

Kenshin flicked the blood off his sword then wiped it down with a cloth. He turned sharply when he heard gurgling and gasping. The second guard was still alive but only just.

"No," he whispered, "I can't die here. My life wasn't supposed to end here. I had so much – " he coughed out some blood, "I can't die here."

Kenshin turned away. He bit his lip. The man was having a slow and painful death. He turned back as the man continued to cough and plead to live. Kenshin took a step forward and raised his sword, about to end the man's suffering. He paused as the man turned his head slightly and looked up at him accusingly.

"Why?" the man whispered, "Why did I have to die? I was fighting for what I believed in. Was what I believed in so wrong?"

Kenshin felt his hand shake slightly. Then he clenched his fist on his sword and whispered, "I'm sorry." Kenshin then did what was necessary.

Kenshin stood there for what felt like hours but in reality was probably only a few minutes. Iizuka soon approached.

"Himura!" Iizuka called out followed by several other men, "Well done. Another perfect assignment."

"Hmmm." Kenshin murmured in response.

"Want to go out to celebrate?" Iizuka asked.

"That's not wise." Kenshin replied while turning and walking away, "With…certain _individuals_ in Kyoto it would be better to remain off the streets."

"You're probably right." Iizuka agreed, "Well, see you later then, Himura."

Kenshin gave a wave without turning around and continued walking.

OOO

Kaoru was walking through the streets of Kyoto. It was dark out and she quickened her pace. She had to hurry; it was dangerous on the streets. Suddenly, at the end of the street two figures stood, blocking her way.

As Kaoru approached she recognized them. It was the men from _that_ night. They stood, still having the wounds that killed them. From the wounds fresh blood seemed to pour out.

"Why?" Both men cried out, "Why did you murder us?"

Kaoru took a step back, "No." She cried out, "No, I didn't mean to! Please, I'm sorry!"

Both men pointed to her, "You did it with the sword you carry. You did it!"

Kaoru's gaze was brought down to her hands. In her right hand she held her father's sword, which was now coated in blood. Kaoru dropped it from her hand with a cry. But it didn't matter the blood from the sword seemed to transfer to her hands. Kaoru gave a cry and attempted to brush the blood off. But it remained no matter how hard she attempted to get it off.

Kaoru bolted up in bed gasping and sweating. She looked around. She wasn't in the streets of Kyoto she was still at the inn where the Ishin Shishi stayed. Kaoru quickly checked her hands. There was no sign of blood.

Kaoru drew her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs. She shivered. That dream. She'd been having it every couple of nights since she'd come here. Kaoru felt dampness on her cheeks. She reached up and brushed it away. She couldn't cry. She mustn't.

"Kaoru?"

Kaoru jerked and looked over to see Kanna who had her futon next to hers. Kanna was looking up at her worriedly.

"Are you alright?" Kanna asked sitting up and draping a comforting arm around Kaoru's shoulders.

Kaoru nodded, "Just a bad dream."

"OK." Kanna whispered, the doubt obvious in her voice "Well, why don't you try and go back to sleep?"

Kaoru stood, grabbed her clothes and went over behind the screen in order to change.

"Kaoru, go back to sleep." Kanna whispered, "It's far too early to get up."

"I know." Kaoru whispered as she tied up her hair, "But my mind won't let me sleep. I'm going to take a walk around the inn, maybe do some cleaning in the kitchen. Once I've calmed down I'll come back and try to get some more sleep."

Kaoru picked her way around all the girls sleeping in the room. Once she reached the door she looked back and saw Kanna frowning at her.

"Don't worry." Kaoru whispered, "I'll be alright."

With that Kaoru exited the room and shut the door behind her. She leaned against the wall outside the sleeping quarters and closed her eyes. In truth she was exhausted. But the dreams…the dreams wouldn't leave her alone.

Kaoru pushed away from the wall and walked toward the kitchen. The inn was completely silent. If she listened very carefully she could hear deep breathing indicating that the occupants of some of the rooms she passed were asleep. Kaoru envied them. They could sleep without care, without nightmares plaguing them.

She had reached the kitchen. Kaoru slid the door open and walked over to where the lantern would be. Striking a flame she lit the lantern, picked it up and inspected the kitchen. Kaoru sighed. The kitchen was completely clean. Leave it to Okami to make sure her inn was always clean with no extra mess.

The sound of a door opening and closing caught her attention. Kaoru turned in the direction that the noise had come from. It was the room next to the kitchen. The men often went to that room to clean up after getting back from their duties. She heard water splashing into the small tub.

Who could it be? Kaoru thought to herself. Giving into her curiosity, Kaoru walked from the kitchen to the entrance of the room and found the door open a crack. She peeked in.

A shocking sight greeted her eyes. It was Kenshin. He was washing his hands in the tub and already the water had a red tint to it. Kaoru gasped despite herself. Kenshin turned sharply and spotted her.

"Kaoru?" He asked, confusion crossing his face, "Why are you up so late?"

Kaoru hesitated. There was no point pretending she didn't hear him or taking off now. She reached up and opened the door all the way. Kaoru entered the room, still carrying the lantern from the kitchen, and shut the door behind her.

"I…um…I couldn't sleep." Kaoru admitted.

"Why?" Kenshin asked turning back to the tub and continued washing his hands, "The night is quiet. There won't be any disturbances tonight."

Kaoru found herself staring at Kenshin's hands as he washed them free of the blood. She quickly looked up and out the window where a sliver of the night sky was visible.

"It may be quiet out there, but…" Kaoru stopped. She didn't want to tell Kenshin about her dreams. He'd probably think her weak. This was a man who killed on command. He was an assassin.

"You've been having nightmares."

Kaoru jumped and her eyes shot over to Kenshin's face. His eyes greeted her. They were filled with sadness and sympathy.

"I…yes, I have." Kaoru whispered.

"You shouldn't feel bad about it." Kenshin stated, "I still have nightmares about the people I've killed."

"How do you live with it?" Kaoru asked, softly.

Kenshin remained silent for a time before grabbing a towel folded next to the tub and drying his hands.

"Kaoru, I know you're feeling sad and guilty for what you did. But what you can do is live to repent for what you did."

"What do you mean?" Kaoru asked, confused, "For your information, that makes absolutely no sense."

"Of course it does." Kenshin laughed at Kaoru's scowl, "Dedicate your life to saving lives and you may alleviate some of the guilt."

Kaoru smiled, "That sounds like something my father would say."

"He sounds like an honourable man."

"He was." Kaoru turned to exit the room. She paused at the door, "Kenshin?"

"Yes?"

"Thank-you. Good night."

Kaoru exited the room and shut the door gently behind her. Kenshin stood for a moment before he threw the towel he'd been using to dry his hands into basket next to the door. He raised his eyes to the door that Kaoru had just left through.

"Good night, Kaoru. I hope you have better dreams."

OOO

As the following days went by all was quiet. A little too quiet. Kenshin was getting antsy. There had been almost no movement from the Shinsengumi. It confused him to no end. And he wasn't the only one. Katsura was also worried although he didn't show it in an effort to hide his anxiety from his men.

But as the tension in Kyoto increased the relationship between Kenshin and Kaoru slowly and steadily grew warmer. There were plenty of times that Kenshin attempted to push Kaoru away but the times where he relaxed and enjoyed her presence outnumbered them.

So it was that one day they were sitting in Kenshin's room. Kenshin was leaning against a chest that was topped with books. His favourite place to relax. Kaoru had shaken her head in disbelief when she discovered that Kenshin hadn't even read one the books that he rested against.

Kaoru sat across from Kenshin mending some shirts. It was sundown and the lights had started to appear throughout Kyoto like tiny, little, stars. Kaoru had found herself distracted from her current job and was staring out the window across the city.

"It's so peaceful." Kaoru noted, "It's easy to forget that there's a war going on."

Kenshin glanced up at Kaoru and then followed her gaze out the window. Before any more could be said Kenshin's door slammed open and Iizuka appeared.

"Himura! Oh, sorry." Iizuka took in the scene quickly, "Am I interrupting something?"

Kenshin stood, "No. What do you need?"

"Katsura needs us to discuss a last minute assignment that just came in."

Kenshin frowned. Last minute assignments were a rare occurrence. What was going on? Shoving his private questions aside Kenshin walked to the exit of the room, then turned to face Kaoru, "Excuse me, Kaoru. Maybe I'll see you tomorrow."

Kaoru bit her lip but nodded. As Kenshin shut the door behind him Kaoru looked out the window at the city of Kyoto. What once had been a peaceful visage now looked ready to swallow up any who were unfortunate enough to get caught.

OOO

**Thanks to everyone who has reviewed. Reviews inspire me to keep writing.**


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